Choices
I do not feel loved. My voice is drowned out by my own kindness, empathy, and consideration. I have no confidence. No assurance that I am desired. I put my own needs, emotions, passions, beneath it all. There is no place for me. No place for me where I long to be most. All I want is to be loved how I love. To be unbearabley desired the same way I desire. I don’t want to hear about the love, I want to feel it. I don’t want to put walls up around my own thoughts but my voice is not safe... so in the walls it stays. I feel I deserve freedom from the walls but seeking it would break everything. Seeking it would shatter the subtle beauty we have worked so hard for. It has been beautiful…so why do I not feel loved? My pain comes because of her. Her who is my perfect storm of unbound bliss and utter torture. With her I am safe except for when I am not. With her I feel hope except for when it turns to agony. With her I am whole except for when her apathy shatters all passion....